Where have I been? Well, it’s a bit of a long story. But I’ll try to give you the short version. When I initially started this blog, I was very lost and just looking for an outlet. I had no clue what I wanted to do, career-wise, but I knew I loved writing, cooking, and baking. I was living in a tiny 425-square-foot apartment in the Stadium District of Tacoma, WA with an even smaller kitchen, hence the name of this blog. Now I live in a big house with my husband and we actually have a nice sized property. The kitchen has grown too but so has my butt, so it’s okay.
Not long after I started this blog I got a marketing job for a big brand. I was just a coordinator but I got to work on commercials and be creative and work for a woman that inspired me. In my nearly 6 years at that company I got to do some really cool things that I am very proud of. But I also struggled under corporate life. Corporate life sucks the fucking soul out of you. They want all of your creativity and time, and recipe developing and blogging fell by the wayside. And look, I know it’s not like the masses are begging for my content, but it’s something I really like doing.
That job took so much from me, and last year when I found out I had a brain tumor I just become another employee who couldn’t perform at the expected level. And that devastated me. As a workaholic and overachiever I really did think I was the problem. Despite having literal brain surgery to remove the tumor, I went back to work EIGHT WEEKS later. I soon discovered I was not the same, and frankly I was no longer enough for them. I went from doing the job of 3 people, working 60 hours a week, and commuting 3 hours a day to only having the energy and mental ability to work normal hours. (Writing that out makes it sound even more ridiculous, I can’t believe sometimes what workaholic culture has done to us.) On top of all that, the woman who I loved working with (I no longer worked directly for her) left the company. And her replacement was, frankly, a real fuckin bitch. And I don’t mean that in a sexist way, I mean that she was a cruel, mean woman who had no respect for my new found disability. I once heard that people don’t quit companies they quit managers, and in this instance that was one hundred percent true. I actually don’t have hate for the company, overall they treated me and my medical issues very well. HR surprisingly was very kind. And my coworkers are some of my most favorite people. I miss seeing their faces every day and collaborating with them, they are some smart fucking people who not only made corporate life more they tolerable, they made me loyal. But, I just couldn’t do it anymore, medically.
After I left, I really struggled with what that meant for my identity. Not only because my career defined me a bit, like most Americans, but because of brain surgery and the recovery associated with it, I no longer felt like myself. I now am a woman that relies entirely on her husband, and that is extremely weird for me. I have taken care of myself basically since I was 15, to rely on someone for everything feels so foreign to me. It takes a lot of trust and love between the two of us. It takes therapy for me, and recognizing when I get defensive over my lack of independence. It takes being able to ignore shitty comments from people who will not be named that show they have no empathy and think I’m a leech. It takes the support of my friends and family who have spent the last two years hyping me the fuck up. But most importantly, it takes confidence in myself.
Wow, I am really not doing a good job of making this short. Okay, okay…so that brings us to now. It’ll be a long time before I can work again or feel normal again, and there’s a chance I’ll never be the same. But I am so fucking BORED!!! It’s been a year since I stopped working and I want to focus my energy on something productive, but also something that is just for my personal enrichment. And yesterday it dawned on my that I could go back to sharing my recipes here.
However, things are going to be a little different. It’s not just going to be straightforward recipes. I want to actually recipe develop and write a cookbook. Not one for sale, because y’all we don’t have to monetize everything we do. Just something that I can share with family and friends, because it makes me happy. And I want to take y’all through the process of doing that. I want to be able to share how I think about the food I cook, when I fail, and how I get to a successful recipe. I also want to be a resource. I genuinely love answering people’s food questions and helping friends perfect my recipes (or theirs!). Food really is my love language.
I won’t always get things out regularly because of my health issues and that’s okay! It’s going to be a messy, fun, interesting journey. And if you want to follow along with me that would make me so happy.
So here we go 🙂 See you soon!